Communication Is Not Enough. Do You Actually Know Your Mate?
EYE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY
Everybody loves to say it. Communication is the key. If y'all just talk, it'll work.
By LaTonya MeChelle
Because we can't just say we're something. It has to match how we move.
And yes, communication matters. I'll never tell you it doesn't. But I'm going to tell you what nobody else will: communication is not enough.
Anybody can sit down and talk. Anybody can put things on the table. People can say words, and words always sound good. Some people are really good at making you feel good. They know exactly what to say. That doesn't mean that's how it's going to go.
Love is more than talking. It's knowing.
Knowing how your mate moves when they think nobody's watching. How they think. How they carry themselves. What their body says when their mouth says "I'm fine." What their mindset is when things get hard.
Because how somebody loves usually comes from how they learned to love. For example:
The avoidant. The closer you get, the more they pull away. Space feels safe to them. Need feels like a trap.
The anxious one. They need to know where they stand, all the time. Silence feels like danger. Reassurance feels like oxygen.
The one with narcissistic tendencies. It's always about them. Your feelings become their inconvenience. They're charming in public and different at home.
The secure one. They can be close without losing themselves, and give you space without disappearing. That's the goal for all of us.
Now here's the question. Because somebody moves a certain way, does that mean you can't love them?
Not necessarily. But it does mean you can't love them blind. You have to know what you're working with. And loving somebody never means staying somewhere you're being hurt. Knowing them is how you love them better. And sometimes knowing them is how you know it's time to go.
But I don't want to make this all about them.
How do YOU move? How do YOU think? Are you operating in your true self, or in the way you were taught? Because what you were taught might feel right and still not be right.
Let me tell on myself.
I didn't know I had an anxious spirit. It took me sitting my tail down and saying, Tanya, you're too controlling. Sit down. I wasn't controlling on purpose. I just naturally want to take care of people. I want everybody to be good. I want everything done right.
But that's not good. Not when it leaves no room for people to be who they are.
So I had to work on it. I had to tie my hands and shut my mouth. Sit back and wait until it was time. And you know what? My life got better. Now if I can't control it, I'm not even tripping. I control what I need to control, and I let people be who they are.
Most people don't want to admit their own faults. It's easier to point fingers. But when you start working on yourself, your relationship gets better. Your confidence gets better. You stop tripping off the stuff you used to trip off. And it gets easier to love.
And while we're telling the truth, let's talk about what we think love looks like.
Some women think taking care of a man means cooking for him and cleaning for him, and that's enough. It's not. Men need affection. Men need attention. They talk about respect, but they want love too.
And all women don't just want you to buy them something. They need you to stop and make them a priority. They need respect. They need to know they're the only one. They want to feel like a queen, not like they're sharing.
Here's what I strongly believe: men and women want the same thing. We just want it a little differently.
So yes, talk. But don't stop at talking. Watch. Learn. Pay attention. Know your mate. And just as important, know yourself. Take the mask off. Stop walking around with the walking dead, saying all the right things and living none of them.
Because we can't just say we're something. It has to match how we move.
So tell me: do you really know how your mate moves? And do you really know how you do?
Not sure what's going on with you on the inside? Start with my free test at latonyamechelle.com.
Eye Am LaTonya MeChelle.
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