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You Keep Saying You'll Set That Boundary. When, Exactly, Were You Planning to Do That?

  • Writer: LaTonya MeChelle
    LaTonya MeChelle
  • Apr 3
  • 3 min read
latonyamechelle.com



Hey Honeybuns,


Let's talk about your personal life. Not the highlight reel. The real one.


The relationships you are tolerating that you know you have outgrown. The boundary you said you were going to set in January that somehow still hasn't been set. The version of yourself you keep promising the people around you that you are going to show up as — while quietly knowing you are still showing up as whoever they need you to be instead.


I see you. Because I have been you.

There was a season in my life where I had built a whole identity around what everyone else needed from me. I was the strong one. The one who held it together. The one you called when you were falling apart — even when I was falling apart too. And I kept accepting that role because somewhere along the way I decided that being needed was the same thing as being loved.


IT IS NOT!!!!!!!


What You're Actually Negotiating When You Negotiate Your Boundaries


Every time you let something slide that you said you were not going to let slide anymore, you are not just being flexible. You are sending yourself a message. And that message is: what I need matters less than what you need from me.


That is not the CHOICES Lifestyle. That is the survival mode you have been trying to leave.


Your WOW FACTOR cannot shine through a life that is full of relationships where you are consistently making yourself smaller. Not smaller in a humble way. Smaller in a disappearing way.


Real talk?


The relationships that drain you do not drain you because those people are monsters. Most of them are not. They drain you because you have trained them — through your yes when you meant no, through your silence when you should have spoken, through your presence when you needed to leave — to expect access to you that you were never supposed to give.


And that is on both of you. But today we are talking about your part.

latonyamechelle.com

The Fear Underneath the Yes


Ask yourself the real version of this question:


Why do I keep saying yes when everything in me is saying no?


Is it the fear of conflict? The fear that if you hold a boundary, you will lose the relationship? The fear that your real self — the one with needs and limits and preferences — is too much for the people around you to love?


Because here is what I know after doing this work and living this life: the people worth keeping will respect the boundary. And the ones who leave when you finally hold it? They were never there for you. They were there for the version of you that was willing to disappear.


Delayed, not denied, Honeybuns. The right relationships can handle your real self. I promise you that.

latonyamechelle.com

Your Mirror Check for Today


Write down one relationship or dynamic in your personal life that is draining more than it is filling.


Now write down the boundary you have been meaning to set and keep putting off.


Now write down what you are actually afraid will happen if you set it.


Look at that fear. Name it out loud.


And then ask yourself: is staying silent actually protecting you? Or is it just protecting you from the discomfort of finally choosing yourself?


Choose yourself, Honeybuns. Even when it is uncomfortable. Especially when it is uncomfortable.


Stop surviving in relationships that require you to disappear. Start living in ones where you get to show up whole.


latonyamechelle.com

If you're ready to get CLEAR on what you actually want—and how to communicate it in a way that builds instead of destroys—book your free 30-minute session with me to see if we can work together

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Drop a comment and let me know: What's one boundary you keep meaning to set — and what's really stopping you?






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