Why I Don't Do Excuses (And Why You Shouldn't Either)

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Hey Honeybuns,

Let me be real with you right now.

I hate excuses. Not because I'm judgmental or think I'm better than anyone. I hate them because I know what they cost. I know what they steal from you. I know how they keep you trapped in a life you're not even living—you're just surviving.

And I know because I was the queen of excuses.

The Excuse That Almost Killed Me

For years, I stayed in a marriage where I was getting beaten regularly. And you know what excuse I told myself?

"If I leave, God will send me to hell."

Yeah. That one.

See, I was in a church—and I'm not talking about all Churches of Christ, I'm talking about the one I was in back then—that felt more like a cult than a community. So many rules. So many "you can't do this" and "you can't do that." But funny enough, the leadership broke those same rules all the time.

My young son would go to the pastor's house to hang out with his son and come back asking me, "Mom, why do they have a Christmas tree and we don't?"

Oh boy. That's a whole other post.

But here's what messed me up the most: between that church and my elder family members acting like abuse was just "part of marriage," I convinced myself that staying was my spiritual duty. That leaving meant I was failing God.

That excuse kept me in hell for years. 12 years to be exact.

The Lie I Disguised as Hope

I also told myself, "Maybe he'll change."

But honestly? That wasn't even an excuse. That was a straight-up lie I needed to believe to make it through another day.

Because deep down, I knew the truth: even if he woke up one morning and decided he didn't want to beat me anymore, even if he transformed into the most loving husband on the planet—it wouldn't have mattered.

I didn't want him! And never did!

He was my scapegoat. Someone I used as my band-aid. My excuse to avoid facing the real problem: me. My commitment to God and my marriage wasn't the real reason I stayed. The real reason? I didn't know who I was. I didn't know my own worth. I was terrified of being alone with myself.

And that's the part nobody wants to admit.

We don't stay in toxic situations just because of the other person. We stay because we're afraid of what we'll discover when we're finally alone with ourselves.

The Excuse That Kept Me Broke

After I finally left, you'd think I'd have it all figured out, right?

Wrong.

I just traded one set of excuses for another.

I became a shopaholic. And the crazy part? I wasn't even shopping for myself. I was shopping for everyone else. Filling a void with stuff I couldn't afford for people who didn't even ask for it.

I had no idea how to budget. I was terrified of money and success. And instead of facing those fears head-on, I made excuses for them and let them control my life.

"My ex-husband handled all the money."

"My parents never taught me about finances."

"I just don't understand how money works."

Getting evicted didn't change me. Getting my car repossessed didn't change me.

You know what finally changed me?

Wanting more out of life and believing I deserved it.

The excuses died the day I decided I was worth the effort. The day I decided my past didn't get to dictate my future. The day I stopped blaming everyone else and started taking responsibility for my own life.

And that realization—that I had been making myself the victim in my own story—is exactly why I'm writing a book about how women can be narcissists too.

Why I'm Writing About Women Being Narcissists

Yeah, I said it. And before you come for me in the comments, hear me out.

Most of us end up with narcissists because we have narcissistic tendencies ourselves. Not in the evil, manipulative way you're thinking. But in the way we refuse to own our truth. In the way we play victim while simultaneously refusing to change. In the way we say we want better but won't do the work to become better.

It has nothing to do with the man. It has everything to do with us owning up to our own worth and walking in our truth.

We love to point fingers. We love to make them the villain in our story. But at some point, you have to ask yourself the hard questions: Why did I stay? Why did I accept this treatment? What am I afraid of facing in myself?

That's the work nobody wants to do. But that's the work that sets you free.

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The Excuses I Hear Every Single Day

Now that I'm a coach, I hear excuses all day long. And honestly? Most of them sound exactly like the ones I used to tell myself.

But the one that pisses me off the most?

"I know. I'm going to let it work itself out. It doesn't matter anyway because I'm going to do me no matter what."

Let me tell you what happens to people who say that: fifty years later, they're still "doing them" and still miserable. Still settling. Still making the same excuses with different packaging.

Here's the truth nobody wants to hear: nothing works itself out. You work it out. You make the decision. You face the fear. You do the hard thing.

Saying "I'm going to do me" while doing absolutely nothing is just another way of saying "I'm too scared to change."

And I get it. Change is terrifying. The unknown is terrifying. But you know what's more terrifying? Waking up ten, twenty, fifty years from now and realizing you wasted your entire life on excuses.

The Excuse I'm Still Fighting

You want to know the excuse I still catch myself making?

"I'll start working out tomorrow."

Yeah. Me. The empowerment coach. The one standing here telling you to stop making excuses. I still make them too.

I've gained weight. I know exactly what to do. I know how to fix it. But I'm not putting in the effort.

Why?

Because I hide behind my weight. I've been doing it for years.

Truth is, I don't like attention in my personal life. I've sabotaged every single thing that would make me the center of attention. Even though I love putting others in the spotlight and I'm damn good at what I do professionally, personally? Give me my corner and let me chill.

But I know my calling requires more. I know I can't keep hiding. I know this excuse has an expiration date, and I'm running out of time to cash it in.

So that's an excuse I have to burn in the fire. Just like you need to burn yours.

See, I'm still working on me too. And I don't plan to stop. That's the difference between me and most coaches—I'm not going to sit here and act like I have it all figured out. I'm in the trenches with you. I'm calling myself out just like I'm calling you out.

Because real empowerment isn't about perfection. It's about progression. It's about being honest enough to admit where you're still stuck and brave enough to do something about it.

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Here's What Excuses Really Are

Excuses are fear dressed up as logic.

They sound reasonable. They sound like valid reasons. But strip away the packaging and what you're left with is pure, unfiltered fear.

Fear of failure.

Fear of success.

Fear of being seen.

Fear of being alone.

Fear of finding out who you really are when all the noise stops.

Your excuses are protecting you from something. The question is: what are they protecting you from? And is that protection worth the price you're paying?

Because here's what I learned the hard way: staying safe feels comfortable until you realize you've built a prison instead of a home.

The Hard Truth You Need to Hear

You have to check yourself constantly to make sure you're not getting caught in a routine of making excuses without even realizing it.

Because excuses become habits. And habits become your life.

You can't afford to wake up fifty years from now and realize you spent your entire life making excuses instead of making moves.

And before you say, "But LaTonya, you don't understand my situation"—stop. I do understand. I've been there. I've had every reason in the world to stay stuck. To play victim. To blame everyone else.

God and church said I couldn't leave.

My family said abuse was normal.

My ex-husband controlled the money.

My parents never taught me.

I had a list of reasons why my life was the way it was. And every single one of them was valid. Every single one of them was true.

But at some point, you have to decide:

Do I want to be right, or do I want to be free?

Because you can't have both.

What I Need You to Do Right Now

Stop reading for a second. Seriously.

I want you to write down one excuse you've been telling yourself. Just one.

Maybe it's about your relationship. Maybe it's about your career. Maybe it's about your health or your finances or those dreams you keep pushing to the back burner.

Write it down. Look at it. Really look at it.

Now ask yourself: What am I really afraid of?

Not the surface answer. Not the easy answer. Dig deeper.

Are you afraid of failing? Or are you actually afraid of succeeding and finally having to show up as the person you've been hiding?

Are you afraid of being alone? Or are you afraid of finding out who you are when nobody else is around to define you?

Are you afraid you can't do it? Or are you afraid that you can—and then you'll have no more excuses left?

Sit with that. Feel it. Let it make you uncomfortable.

And then I want you to do something that scares you. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not when you "feel ready."

Today.

Make the call. Have the conversation. Take the first step. Stop waiting for the perfect moment because the perfect moment doesn't exist.

The only moment you have is right now.

Here's What Happens When You Stop Making Excuses

When I finally stopped making excuses and started making moves, everything changed.

Not overnight. Not magically. But consistently.

I learned how to manage money. I built businesses. I discovered who I was outside of everyone else's expectations. I found my smile—my real smile, not the fake one I used to hide behind.

I created the CHOICES Lifestyle because I got tired of feeling powerless. I developed the WOW FACTOR Mindset because I realized my worth wasn't up for negotiation. I started LoveChology because I learned that loving yourself isn't selfish—it's survival.

And none of that would have happened if I kept making excuses.

But here's the thing: I didn't do it alone. I had people who called me out on my mess. I had mentors who refused to let me stay comfortable. I had moments where the pain of staying the same finally outweighed the fear of changing.

And that's what I do for my clients now.

I'm not here to hold your hand and tell you everything's going to be okay. I'm here to hold up a mirror and show you the truth you've been avoiding. I'm here to call you out when you're making excuses and celebrate you when you finally choose yourself.

Because the version of you that you're meant to become? That person is waiting. That person has been waiting for years. And every day you spend making excuses is another day that person stays buried.

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The Bottom Line

I don't do excuses because I know what they cost me. Years of my life. My peace. My freedom. My sense of self.

And I refuse to watch you do the same thing to yourself.

So stop lying to yourself. Stop waiting for someone to save you. Stop hoping things will magically get better.

You already know what you need to do. You've known for a while now.

The question is: are you going to keep making excuses, or are you going to finally choose yourself?

Because nobody's coming to rescue you. You have to be your own hero.

And trust me, you're capable of so much more than you're giving yourself credit for.

I see it even if you don't. And I'm here when you're ready to see it too.

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Your Next Step

If you're tired of making excuses and ready to start making real changes, let's talk. I work with people who are done playing small and ready to step into their truth—even when it's uncomfortable. Especially when it's uncomfortable.

This isn't therapy. This isn't cheerleading. This is real, raw, transformational work that will challenge everything you thought you knew about yourself.

And if that scares you? Good. That means you're ready.

Because your future self is waiting. And she's tired of your excuses too.

Now stop reading this and go do the thing you've been avoiding.

Your time is now.

Book Your Free 30 Minute Session

Drop a comment below and tell me: What's one excuse you're ready to burn in the fire today?

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