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  • LaTonya MeChelle

Moms! We Gotta Do Better At Raising Our Boys

As a mother, I've often pondered whether we, as mothers, are raising our sons to be upstanding citizens or if we're inadvertently contributing to the creation of individuals who struggle to function positively within society. In many cases, mothers tend to treat their sons as surrogate partners, rather than as the children they truly are. This dynamic can lead to a host of problems, not only for the sons themselves but also for their future relationships.

It's not uncommon for mothers to cover for their sons' mistakes, even as they grow into adulthood. In doing so, they unintentionally encourage a lack of accountability and responsibility. This approach does nothing but harm to their sons, as it inhibits their growth and ability to face the consequences of their actions.

As mothers, we must recognize the importance of nurturing our sons' emotional well-being and fostering their independence. We should resist the urge to coddle them or shield them from the consequences of their actions. By doing so, we can help them become responsible, emotionally balanced adults who contribute positively to society.

Looking back, there are many things I wish I had known when raising my son. I used to believe that turning 18 magically transformed a boy into a man, fully capable of navigating life on his own. However, I've come to realize that age is just a number, and emotional maturity develops at its own pace. No matter how strong or unruly they may appear, our sons are still emotional beings who often hold onto negative experiences more tightly than positive ones, i.e calling them stupid or downplaying their actions.

If I could turn back the clock, I would have sought therapy for myself and my son when his father and I divorced after our tumultuous relationship. I believe that addressing the emotional turmoil resulting from that experience would have provided a more solid foundation for my son's personal growth. I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time, but if I were given a second chance, there are undoubtedly things I would change. That's why I'm so passionate about sharing my experiences and insights with others. Learn from my mistakes, don't repeat them.

Thankfully, my son is grown, happily married, with 2 sons of his own, and is an IT Analyst working with the government. He is a true success story and has taken charge of his life, making sure the things that he saw as a child, such as abuse, are not repeated. Although his father and I divorced when he was a pre-teen and I pretty much raised him solo after that, he has not allowed the absence of his father to affect him as a father. He is very much dedicated to his sons.

I do believe that a mom can raise her son alone. I did and I know so many amazing men who were raised by their moms. However, take my advice, boys need to be around strong male role models. It's a blessing to have a close relationship with your son but never get so cocky in thinking that you have to do it alone. The way that you treat your son, will have a strong effect on how he is as a man, not your man.

It's our duty as mothers to ensure that we're raising our sons to be responsible and compassionate citizens. We must always be mindful of the impact our actions have on their development and be willing to learn from our mistakes. After all, it's never too late to make a positive change in our children's lives, even if they're already grown.

Together, let's strive to raise a generation of sons who are assets to society, rather than poor excuses for it. As you know for this and everything else I write, if the shoes don't fit, keep on strutting. We teaching over here, not judging!

- LaTonya MeChelle -

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