Dear Earl (DMX), I Apologize!

What has taken me so long to speak on DMX?

First, I wanted to be sure if what was released was facts. Was it a heart attack? Was it a drug overdose? Which one? Cause you know, they will put a negative story on something completely innocent and run with it.

The last time I saw DMX was when he did his Verzuz. He looked at peace and healthy. I was extremely happy for him cause from what I had seen in the past, he had been looking for love in all the wrong places. Like most of us, unfortunately, he found that love and hung on to it and it eventually ate him up alive. Some may blame drugs, I personally blame falling in love with those who didn't hold him accountable to being his true self. Can't even trip, cause so many of us have fell for the same love and is still in the midst of it pretending to be happy.

Happiness can't be faked. It's not saying you're happy, its not posting positive stuff. Its an energy that needs no words. It can be seen by anyone, even strangers.

A friend made a statement to me the other day, stating that DMX could be a part of a 5 Fold Ministry. A term that I ain't heard since my Church of Christ days (about 18 years). I don't know if my shock was hearing the words or the fact that DMX was attached to it. She went on to show me videos of him praying.

That was Saturday and since then I have seen several videos of him tapping into his true anointing. Something that most will never begin to understand.

I got another message from the same friend today, pretty much asking me what was I waiting for to speak on the topic. Signs that this woman recently came into my life as more than just a friend.

Then I couldn't sleep, I'm flipping thru IG which I rarely do and I find this video and I just listened.

Here's my thought on DMX..

He is another black man that we have failed! For no other reason than he's a black man.

Somehow, someway, we think that black men aren't human and that they don't need anyone. We accept whatever they give and don't bother to look past their words or see their hurt. We judge them harder than anyone else. We always assume that they are okay. We think that they can handle anything! They can't and shouldn't have to.

Black men have emotions, feelings and everything else that we have. They are just built different and have learned to shutdown and find vices to help them deal with their issues...cigars, weed, alcohol, gambling, overworking, women, etc....

I haven't even touched on the ones who have spiritual gifts attached to them or are pure genius. Their minds deal with so much. But they are barely able to release it. Why? Cause in some cases they are too busy trying to survive and be accepted by a world that's not really for them, they dare not show you anything extra. We already can't handle them just being plain and simple.

DMX is and forever will be an anointed soul with a gift that can save so many but it may not save him.

In my opinion, his music was his way of releasing but not enough so the drugs became his vice and comfort zone.

Where others didn't accept or understand. Where he felt like an alien in this world, drugs gave him the temporary love and peace that he couldn't get anywhere else.

Keep in mind, his first experience was at the age of 14 when he was given a blunt by his Mentor that was laced with Crack. Imagine the feeling of betrayal and losing trust in your love ones after that. Kind of like being sexually violated. His innocence was taken from him instantly. He didn't pick drugs, drugs picked him.

It's easy to scream Self Love but do you know how hard it is to fight your own demons, your own gifts and to adapt to a world that don't even truly get you? In most cases you have to dumb down yourself cause it's rare that you find others who truly get you.

Do you know how hard it is to win when so many expect so much from you and you're trying to live up to it but you are hurting on the inside?

Having spiritual gifts can make you think you're crazy sometimes. Especially if you don't have the right people around that understand the language you speak. Fighting your calling, second guessing yourself, its a lot.

Don't let the skulls and hardcoreness fool ya. If my opinion mattered, I would most definitely consider this a don't judge a book by a cover. Unfortunately, most will never respect that with DMX because of all that he has displayed calling out for help.

I wish to God, that I was his personal friend. I would hug him over and over so he could truly release. The power of releasing. I would then just listen and say things to trigger him to release even more. Then I would remind him of just how special he is.

Dear Earl! I apologize! For all the apologies that you never heard but deserved, I apologize. I'm praying, sending up vibes and meditating on your peace of mind. I love you my brother. Take your place!

Thank you Ebony Thelioness Jae for pushing me to do this. Cause of your obedience, this will heal someone. Love ya.

Black men...time for a change before its too late. Release and express yourself.

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