I’m that woman who was married with a child at the age of 19 and didn’t experience the true life of being single until I as about 31.
Boy O Boy, how do you enter the Single Scene with a low self esteem and you know nothing about love except that it comes with so much pain. I could go on and on about my stories and eventually I will when I drop that book. That book where I share with the world story after story of me trying to pretend to love men knowing damn well that it wasn’t possible because I didn’t even really love myself.
At the time, men were just substitutes to mask my cold heart and make it seem like I cared. Thank God, I had a natural gift to nurture and take care of people. I actually loved them all but never the way that a woman should truly love a man. Truth be told, they all were no different than the strangers that I give love to every time I meet them. The only difference was they were their on a normal basis and we all know that any form of routine becomes a way of life.
I was good! Somewhere down the line, I learned to cater to a man and to make him feel like he could walk on water and I really was sincere about it but truth be told, I was always left feeling empty. I was never satisfied. I learned to cry and go through the motions of acting like I really wanted them to stay but the truth is, it was all about my pride. I didn’t want to have to accept the fact that I had failed in a relationship, yet again. I didn’t want to have to face the people who knew we were together. How embarrassing. The funny part though, my friends always had something to say AFTERWARDS about knowing that person wasn’t the one.
Relationships were never my thing but hanging with the guys was. I loved to be in environments where I got to be one of the guys and nobody was tripping off of how I looked, what I ate, what I said or any of that. I loved the environment of being able to be me with no judging and having no expectations from men other than for all of us to be real and true. I was like an Orphan and every so often, a man friend would be placed in my life. I’m not talking about the man-friend that most talk about. Someone they’ve been intimate with and it didn't work and now they’re friends. I’m talking about men who we never crossed the line period. We have been nothing but strictly friends.
Each one taught me lessons about myself and about loving men. Some sat me down and made me attend classes while others just opened up their worlds for me to see. It got to the point where I really stopped dating and really begun to focus on myself. I learned so much about men from my boys that I no longer felt that I needed a man in my life and if I did allow one in, he really had to meet my expectations. I began to understand so much but the most important lesson that I learned was just to be ME!!!
So, my boys are always telling me that I need to teach a class. I always find it funny since I'm divorced woman in my late forties. However, I do think I’m quite knowledgeable. So, I figured that I would share some of my lessons that I was taught by my Klan of Kings.
10 Lessons I Learned From My Klan Of Kings
Never tell a man “F You” and to “GET OUT” unless you really mean it. Men take those words very seriously. Even when and if they forgive you, they never forget those words.
Allow a man to be a man. Doesn’t matter if you make more money than him. If you’re always offering to do things for him, you never know if he wants you for you or because he knows he can use you.
Never believe the hype of the best friend/cousin or whomever he hangs out with. His job is to make you and every other woman that comes in his boys life to feel special and like they’re the only one. When the guy dumps you, his best friend goes with him, unless he’s trying to screw you. Either way, don’t bother getting so close to him that you listen to him when making a decision.
Hold a man accountable. Let him know how to treat you. If he disrespects you. Don’t walk on eggshells, let him know how you feel. Be consistent too.
We all love sex but let’s be honest. They can get sex from anywhere. If you can resist, be the one that is different. Find other ways to keep him interested. If he walks away, let him go. He probably was going to be gone anyways after you gave it up.
Spoil Him!!! Men love attention. Do more than the ‘GM’ text. Find out what he likes, listen to him. Flirt with him all through the day. Make sure he knows you’re all about him.
If you give it up, you know now you have to keep it up. Your job now is to keep that man turned on so when he’s not in your presence and he is surrounded by other beauties, that seductive message that you sent him hours ago, stays in his head. Be creative!
Give him space. Give him time to miss you. Yes, a man needs to feel needed but dang, let him breathe every so often.
Have your own dang life!!!!!!!! I’m not telling you to play games but if you’re always available to him, where is the challenge?
Surprise his tail every so often. Take him out on a date. Send him 2 tickets for him and his boy to his favorite game in the mail. Tell him to pack his bags and plan a Baecation.
I'm just getting started but for the sake of this blog, I will stop for now. I used to think there was something wrong with me but now I know more than ever that I’m one of the blessed ones. My King of Klans have protected me from pure disasters and I didn’t even know it. A woman must truly love and respect her before she can truly be what a man needs, in my opinion. I am that woman NOW but it took me being a great student to realize that.
Y’all be good! Until next time!